I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As shirtless as possible
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
