I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize