My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
