I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
