So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
