I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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