i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
