It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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