i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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