So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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