i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have post one night stand depression
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