Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
