Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
