so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
