So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
