Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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