This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
