You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I did not marry a roomba.
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