I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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