dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
as a side note pls kill me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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