No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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