out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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