His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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