I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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