foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
