Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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