Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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