Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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