this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
