i don't plan on having that self control this summer
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
