dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
