God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
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I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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