im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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