the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
