I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
