I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My vagina is officially offended.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
