Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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