he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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