I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In other news, I just burned my penis
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
