She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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