It's Friday. Sex?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
