i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
