I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
