Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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