I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize