oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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