She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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