I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
