How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
