I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
