can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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