Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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