I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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