So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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