i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
