If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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