I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
