I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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