similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
