omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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